Episode 12 - People Pleasing
Oh Shit, I’m a People Pleaser
What happens when being helpful, accommodating, and “easy” becomes so ingrained that you don’t even realize you’re abandoning yourself?
In this episode, we dive into the messy reality of people pleasing; where it comes from, what’s underneath it, and what it can cost us: our boundaries, our intuition, our relationships, our joy, and ultimately, our sense of self.
We talk about fear, rejection, conflict, resentment, and the uncomfortable process of learning to trust ourselves again. Because choosing yourself doesn’t always feel good. Sometimes it looks like guilt. Sometimes it means disappointing someone. And sometimes it means saying no without explaining yourself into the ground.
This isn’t about shaming the ways we learned to survive. It’s about recognizing the patterns, reclaiming the power we gave away, and remembering that choosing yourself isn’t selfish it’s coming home to yourself.
Want to keep the conversation going? Come join us in the Kula community at www.findyourkula.com. We’d love to hear your stories, your experiences, and what this conversation brings up for you
Mentioned in this episode:
Adriana's Outro
Intro with music
Provided by Jonathon Wilde
Transcript
Audio Only - All Participants: Here we go.
2
:Let's go.
3
:Ow.
4
:That's funny.
5
:What's up, guys?
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:We're back.
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:Hello.
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:Hello, ladies.
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:How are we?
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:We are, well- You know the drill.
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:Yes.
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:Yes.
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:I…
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:No, I'm good.
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:I'm, I'm having a good day.
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:I listened to music all day long.
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:I was dancing, folding laundry,
like, you know, cooking,
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:washing dishes, dancing all day.
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:Nice.
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:Yeah.
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:I mean, except for the,
you know, the smoke.
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:I mean, that's annoying, and I hope
it moves before the weekend 'cause,
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:you know, it's blocking my sun.
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:Fucker.
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:Yeah.
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:Can't these things happen in
the winter when I don't care?
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:Canada's on fire- … but we are
mostly concerned about the beach day.
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:If anybody that knows me knows
that I hate when my sun is blocked.
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:Even if you're standing in front
of me, I'm like, "Can you move?
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:You're blocking my sun."
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:Well, we're off to a great start.
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:Um.
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:She's like, "Sorry your
country's on fire."
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:I'm so, I'm so sorry.
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:Wind, blow it a different direction.
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:Because it's blocking my sun.
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:Yeah.
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:Thank you.
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:Yeah.
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:The hell?
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:How are you two doing?
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:Undecided.
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:Um, no, I'm just…
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:I am, uh- Oh … I am
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:I have done, I have attempted, I
shouldn't say I've done 'cause that
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:sounds like I've been successful.
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:I've attempted too much
tax- task switching today-
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:Mm … and my brain is tired.
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:Mm.
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:But, like, my, my body is not, but
just my brain is tired, so Hopefully
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:we can still string together
some coherent thoughts tonight.
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:That would be great.
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:Oh.
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:I don't doubt that for a second.
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:We'll do our best.
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:And how much fun will it be if you can't?
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:We'll just tease you relentlessly.
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:More general fuckery, you know?
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:Right, exactly.
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:Right on.
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:How about you, Sloane?
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:Hmm.
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:I haven't thought about it.
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:Good, I guess.
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:Um, my kiddo is here having EC
issues, so- Oh … they spent the
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:night with their little one, their
little harvest kitty, my grandchild
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:that I don't get to see anymore.
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:Aw.
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:Um, so that's been fun.
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:And yeah, just work and stuff.
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:Nothing.
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:Things are good.
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:I have a new mantra
about irritating- Share
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:people and/or situations, which
is, um, "Is this important
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:enough to put in my cup?"
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:Mm.
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:Or to take up space in my cup.
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:Ooh.
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:I like that.
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:And so far it's pretty
effective, I can say.
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:Plus, I'm treating myself
like I treat my dogs, right?
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:So when I start getting
irritated I'm like, "I love you."
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:Aw.
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:That's what I say to them
when they're irritating me.
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:You're so cute.
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:I love you.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah, right.
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:Lucky.
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:Like, you're lucky you're cute.
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:I feel like I need to get that mantra
tattooed, like, on my forearm where
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:I can see it 100,000 times a day.
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:Like, is this important enough
to take up space in my cup?
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:Yeah.
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:And the answer 99% of
the time would be no.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:I could use that one while driving.
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:I li- Good call.
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:Gonna put that, gonna
put that on my dashboard.
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:Yeah, right.
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:With a clear film just so
you can read the letters.
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:Yes.
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:It's not obstructing your view.
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:Just look up.
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:If you had the, one of those
fancy cars you could have it
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:display on the windshield, right?
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:Like- That's what I'll do.
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:I'll make it the screensaver on my- In-
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:CarPlay.
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:Instead of your…
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:When you honk your horn it doesn't
honk your horn- No, you press a
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:button … it pops up on the screen.
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:"Is this important enough
to take up space in my cup?"
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:Right.
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:Don't honk.
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:Right.
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:Oh, man.
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:Well- All right.
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:This, it has been zero days
since our last nonsense.
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:Right.
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:If you know that, if you
know, you know the reference.
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:Oh, man.
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:All right.
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:Well, , the topic for
today is people pleasing.
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:Yeah, it's a big one.
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:So I'm just gonna get right
into it with the questions.
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:Um- Okay, dive in.
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:I'm gonna just dive in.
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:So when did you first realize
you were people pleasing?
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:Was there a moment or was it something
that you recognized over time?
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:Anyone?
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:Bueller?
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:I, I, I was gonna talk and then Erica
looked like she was gonna talk, and
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:then so I stopped, and then she's
like, "No, I'm not gonna say anything."
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:So, um, there was not a
specific moment at all.
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:I'm like, when did I realize
I'm a people pleaser?
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:Like, it, it was so slow and gradual-
Mm … that it was more like-
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:It just still, it doesn't even
feel like it was a realization.
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:Do you know what I mean?
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:Like, it was more an
understanding of m- about myself.
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:Does that make sense?
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:Yeah, I can't even pinpoint, like, the
moment when I first even heard the term
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:or the definition of people pleasing,
because I don't think I would've, like…
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:There would've been no way for
me to identify it or articulate
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:it before I learn- before I,
like, had the language for it.
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:Mm.
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:But I, but I think I can say with
a fair bit of certainty that once
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:I learned, there were very many,
like, "Oh, shit" moments, right?
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:Yeah.
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:Like, "Oh, I've…
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:Oh, and that time that I did that
thing or I said that thing, or how
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:I used to do this all the time."
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:Like, there was probably a lot of,
like, reflection and trying to figure
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:out why that pattern was there for me.
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:Like, where did I learn that?
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:Where did I pick that up?
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:How did I- Mm … like, how
was it reinforced, right?
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:So I don't like, while there was
definitely like one specific moment
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:where there was the first time I saw
it on paper and I was like, "Oh, shit."
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:But, but then there were like 1,000 other
oh shits after that, you know what I mean?
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:Yeah.
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:So, still.
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:Yeah.
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:I I don't, um…
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:Yeah, I don't think there was a first
time I realized I was a people pleaser.
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:I think on some level I knew I was
people pleasing, but it's funny because
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:I could recognize it in other people.
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:Mm.
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:Just not in myself.
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:Say more about that.
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:Oh.
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:I could just pi- I could just
recognize it in other people.
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:Like, they were doing something, I'm like,
"Oh, they're people pleasing," right?
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:But like, it was more like
surface level people pleasing.
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:It wasn't like, you know, when it goes
a little deeper, because obviously
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:then I realized that it was me.
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:I think, I think when I realized,
and I think I knew on some
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:level, because I always felt
uncomfortable, but did it anyway- Mm
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:um, whatever it was.
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:And, um, but I think I really
realized- How much I people-pleased
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:was Once I got divorced Yeah Right?
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:Because then that's, that's really,
like, right, going through that
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:process is when I really started
to look within and be more, um,
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:introspective and self-reflective.
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:And then that's when
I was like, "Oh, shit.
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:I'm a people pleaser, and
I didn't even know it."
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:So it's funny how, yeah, again,
recognizing it in other people,
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:but, um, not myself deep- you know,
on, on a, on a much deeper level
190
:I think the title of this episode needs
to be, "Oh Shit, I'm a People Pleaser."
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:Right.
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:Yeah.
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:That probably is better.
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:Oh, shit.
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:So do you think that is something
that you learned growing up or
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:something that developed later in life?
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:I think it was definitely
a learned behavior
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:And like, this is funny.
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:I don't, I don't know if I've ever
tried to like pinpoint the exact origins
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:of my people-pleasing tendencies.
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:Um
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:I think it was, it's because it
was, like, reinforced, right?
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:Mm-hmm.
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:Like, being, being flexible and
being accommodating and being
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:adaptable was, like, praised.
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:Um, and I think I always had Well,
I probably didn't always have, but
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:somewhere along the way I learned that
hypervigilance of, like, always scanning
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:and trying to be aware of, like, cues
in the room and figure out how I could
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:control the temperature of the room.
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:Do you know what I mean?
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah, I feel like similar to that,
the hypervigilance piece, mine is
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:like kind of like a split thing.
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:Like, I feel like part of it is my
being a highly sensitive person.
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:Right.
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:I didn't like people being upset.
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:Right.
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:Yeah.
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:Because that hurt my heart to know
that I had upset them, so I didn't
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:even see it as people pleasing.
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:But the other half was definitely
more of a survival thing.
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:Like- Right … how can
I make sure I'm safe?
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:I have to keep them happy, right?
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:So I, right.
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:So I, I think I constantly, like,
justified the The sacrifices maybe,
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:or like the accommodations, because
I thought that I was helping.
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:And I feel like in a way that was
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:I hate to say it this way because
I don't wanna glamorize it, but it
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:was, like, weirdly empowering to
feel like you could- Mm … help
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:people feel better all the time.
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:Yeah, absolutely.
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:And so I sort of, like, wore that
as a badge of honor, and I don't…
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:Like, so when you say, like,
was it something you learned?
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:Was it, like, when did you
first realize you were doing it?
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:I realize it all in retrospect-
Yeah … because I would've thought that
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:it was a positive behavior most of my
life because I was the helper, right?
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:Like, I was the, I was the, the
one who was always trying to, like,
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:kind of control the situation.
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:And in retrospect, I realize how
much of an impact that had on me and
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:how unhealthy that actually was and
how it contributed to, like, other
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:unhealthy relationship dynamics.
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:Yeah.
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:I, I feel like, I mean, for me
it's obvi- definitely learned.
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:I, I feel also, you know, I mean, I don't
wanna say just women, but women definitely
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:are taught that a lot, but men too, right?
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:It's just, it just plays out differently.
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:Well, I was gonna say that before.
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:I feel like it ties right into
all the things we've talked
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:about with conditioning.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:It's definitely conditioned, and it's, a-
and I, I feel like everyone's conditioned.
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:It's some people…
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:I think that some people just learn
to have boundaries, and maybe n-
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:might not people please or might give
in to some things less than others.
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:But, like, a true people pleaser
just isn't gonna have any.
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:I feel like, I, I feel like I was
taught to not have any boundaries.
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:So I was, always had to do and
put everyone before me, and- It's
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:just easier to go along with it.
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:It's just easier to not ask questions.
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:It's just easier to, you know,
to- It is, but it never felt good.
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:N- no.
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:It did not- And- … feel good … but
the, but the language, the way
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:that it was reinforced- Mm-hmm
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:'cause that's what I was saying, like,
you receive, like, praise for it because
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:you're, you know- I guess you're k- it's
like you're the sacrificial lamb, but,
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:like, but you're, like, making these
accommodations so as not to rock the boat.
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:So it's by not asking questions or
challenging it or having boundaries- Yeah
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:you're making everyone else's
lives easier, and of course
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:I don't wanna be a burden.
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:That's, like, the last
thing I wanna be, right?
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:Like, we've talked a lot about that
and, like, the struggle to ask for
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:help, the, like, the one who's always
reliable but could never rely on anybody.
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:Yeah.
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:I'm just, I'm just trying to think
about, you know, you're saying, like,
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:you get rewarded for it, and I'm
sitting here thinking, like, I don't
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:feel like I was ever rewarded for it.
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:Like, I don't- Ah, I was praised for it.
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:Yeah.
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:Oh, praised.
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:There was no- That's the
word you used, yeah, praised.
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:I don't- Yeah … feel like I was.
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:Oh.
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:It was just more like that's
what you have to do, right?
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:For me, it was always more,
uh- It was the expectation.
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:Yeah.
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:You know?
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:Like, it was just a responsibility put
on me, like, that's what you have to do.
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:Now, like, if you do this then, you
know, you're the good girl, and I
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:never, it never felt that way to me.
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:But to me the reward was-
More calmer The peace Yes.
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:Yes.
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:See, that's so funny 'cause, ah
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:I could, I could swallow my own inner
turmoil as long as everyone else
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:around me was okay Oh, I had such
a hard time with that I had so…
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:I mean, like, I did it, but I
had such a hard time with it.
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:, … In my household it was a power struggle.
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:Mm.
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:And then I think that's what cemented
it for me to continue doing that as
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:an adult, 'cause it goes to the whole
thing of me being told what to do and
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:I don't like it, and I never liked it.
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:You know, even, like, as a child.
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:So, um, I would always fight back.
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:Like, I would always fight
back on whatever it was because
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:I didn't like that feeling.
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:Um-
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:But I mean- Those, those
fights stayed up here for me.
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:Mm.
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:I would think of all the things I wished
I could say or I wished I could do-
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:Yeah … but I would never vocalize it.
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:Yeah.
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:But I would do it because I
felt that I had to, right?
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:I had to do it because, right,
like it would keep harmony.
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:I knew it wouldn't because, like I
said, I'm, I'm confrontational, right?
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:Like, I'm, I'm, I'm cool with,
like, if I don't like what you
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:say, I'm gonna tell you, right?
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:Like, I don't have a problem saying that.
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:But then it's always been,
"No, don't, don't say that."
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:And to me, that's how I learned to
people please, was to keep my mouth shut.
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:Mm.
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:And that's like putting
a lion in a cage, right?
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:Because eventually I was going to
fucking explode and let everyone have it.
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:So it came out eventually,
but- Oh … um- No.
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:Yeah.
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:But I still did it.
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:Like, I still, you know, it was
still ingrained in me to do it.
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:Mm.
328
:So yeah, it's
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:It's funny 'cause I, I li- I like
talking to them She's, she's been
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:a rebel since she was little.
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:I have.
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:Yeah.
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:And that- My rebellion is new.
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:I've always had a fire sign.
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:She's a fire sign.
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:She's a fire sign.
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:Yeah.
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:And Mercury.
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:Hello?
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:Right.
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:That's all.
342
:Well, I have- That's how I express myself
… I have Mercury fire, too, but- Yeah
343
:it's in the 12th house, so.
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:Oh.
345
:Yeah, no.
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:Yeah, mine's not hidden.
347
:Um- Um, go ahead.
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:Yeah, no, it's just…
349
:I- well, it's funny because,, I, I,
I didn't sit with this topic before
350
:we discussed it today, you know?
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:So I'm really kind of- Figuring
out as I go along right now.
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:Um- Processing in the moment.
353
:Yeah, yeah
354
:so looking back now, what do you
think, um, was really happening
355
:beneath the surface for you?
356
:Fear.
357
:Mm.
358
:Yeah.
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:Agreed.
360
:I agree with that.
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:That's it.
362
:Okay.
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:And, and the fear was, like, multifaceted.
364
:Oh, yeah.
365
:Like I was gonna say, for e-
both of the scenarios I presented
366
:earlier were fear-based.
367
:It wasn't…
368
:Yeah The fear for me was, like,
being the difficult one, because I
369
:got praised for being easy, right?
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:Mm-hmm.
371
:Like, I, I didn't wanna
be the difficult child.
372
:I wanted to just follow the rules
and, you know, do the things 'cause-
373
:Mm-hmm … that's what I got praised for.
374
:So there's fear of, like, that.
375
:It was fear of what would happen
if I didn't do the people-pleasing
376
:thing, because there were a few
377
:uh, adults with no command of emotional
regulation- Mm … in my life, right?
378
:… So I, like, I took it upon myself.
379
:It was, I, I don't necessarily think
that it was expected of me beyond
380
:that, like, there was constant
reinforcement around like, "Gosh,
381
:you're so easy," "So, so easy."
382
:Yeah.
383
:You know, that.
384
:But I don't, but I, but I learned
it because I was trying to- Mm
385
:always, like, assess risk, and, and notice
signs, and watch for when something was
386
:gonna go from, like, zero to 60, right?
387
:Mm-hmm.
388
:And then move accordingly.
389
:So there was fear of that.
390
:Yeah.
391
:Like, fear of the consequences
if I don't, if I don't try
392
:to control all these things.
393
:Right.
394
:Fear of how I'd be perceived.
395
:Mm.
396
:'Cause I don't wanna be any,
like, I don't wanna be a burden.
397
:I don't wanna be difficult.
398
:I don't wanna cause anybody
else any, you know, whatever.
399
:A troublemaker.
400
:Yeah.
401
:Yeah, I was, I was the opposite of that.
402
:Yeah.
403
:Me too.
404
:I, so I s- something similar for me,
I feel like I, fear of rejection.
405
:Mm.
406
:Because- Yes … because I, , if
I spoke up, then I'm too much, I'm
407
:disrespectful, you know, I'm nasty.
408
:You know?
409
:There it is.
410
:I mean, my mom never learned that word
in English, so she didn't say that to me.
411
:But, um, but disrespectful, right?
412
:Like, that's the one, that's the
one word that always comes back to
413
:me when, uh, with anything my mom.
414
:Like, that, she would always
say to me when she wanted me
415
:to, like, you know- Mm-hmm
416
:stay in line, was that
I'm being disrespectful.
417
:But besides, besides my mom, I feel
like, um, in general I've been too
418
:much for the wrong people, and so
it's always that fear of rejection.
419
:So that's why I would always just
more comply with things, or keep
420
:quiet, or not, you know, not speak
my mind because it's too much.
421
:And then, and then also- Okay … , um,
I think it's also being, again, being
422
:responsible for others' emotions,
so that played a big part too.
423
:You know?
424
:Right.
425
:And it, like, for me, the, that fear
of rejection also meant that, like, I
426
:wouldn't stand up for myself- Mm … or
challenge or question anything, because
427
:there was also a fear of conflict, right?
428
:'Cause, like- Mm … the conflict that
I witnessed was, like, explosive and-
429
:Right … never ended well, and right?
430
:So I think that since that was the
only thing I ever saw, I never saw,
431
:like, what does it look like to
have a productive disagreement, a
432
:constructive disagreement, right?
433
:So, like, the only thing
that I ever saw was that.
434
:Yeah.
435
:So I would avoid that at all
costs- Mm … which really led
436
:to people-pleasing tendencies.
437
:Like, I just don't want
there to be conflict.
438
:Yeah.
439
:I mean, that's what avoidance is, right?
440
:Right.
441
:People pleasing.
442
:Yeah.
443
:Yeah.
444
:I mean, I can relate to the whole
explosive arguments and all that, but
445
:because at 12 years old I took it upon
myself, and it was kind of put on me
446
:too, um, to take care of my mom, right?
447
:Mm-hmm.
448
:Like, I defended my mom my whole life.
449
:So I didn't have a problem with
conflict because I was always in the
450
:middle of it, and she allowed that.
451
:You were at the front lines of it.
452
:Yeah, totally.
453
:Yeah, I was like, "Oh, we're fighting?
454
:Okay.
455
:I'm c- I'm coming down."
456
:You know?
457
:"Oh, there's a fight?
458
:Okay, I'm going."
459
:So, um- I, I, I forgot
where I was going with this.
460
:Avoidance?
461
:No, I wouldn't avoid.
462
:Oh, yeah.
463
:You know?
464
:Like, that was- That was it … for
me, I wouldn't, I wouldn't avoid.
465
:I would jump right into it,
but then it was like, you know
466
:too much.
467
:Right.
468
:You know, it was, it, I was,
it was too much when it wasn't
469
:convenient for them, but when it
was convenient for them it was okay.
470
:Mm.
471
:Right?
472
:When it worked in their favor it was
okay um Uh, what were you most afraid of?
473
:I think we, we covered this, but what
were you most afraid of that would
474
:happen if you stopped people pleasing?
475
:Being abandoned.
476
:Mm-hmm.
477
:Yeah.
478
:Be- yeah, being rejected-
Yeah … being abandoned, that
479
:people would think I was difficult.
480
:I, uh, yeah, my dad already abandoned
me, so- Mm … am I gonna lose everybody
481
:else in my life if I'm not perfect?
482
:I think I always felt like I, like
I was a bad person then, you know?
483
:If I- Yes … if I didn't people
please, then I'm just a horrible person.
484
:I, I, I remember feeling that
so much throughout my life,
485
:and it's an, it's terrible.
486
:It's such an awful feeling to think that
you're a bad person when all you're doing
487
:is trying to please everyone around you
and, and, and make them happy 'cause
488
:you're, you're putting yourself last.
489
:Mm.
490
:Yeah.
491
:Okay, so what did
people-pleasing cost you?
492
:Your face, Erica.
493
:' Cause the first thing that came to
mind, and then, like, my whole body
494
:went numb when I had the thought-
Mm … but the first thing that
495
:came to my mind is my childhood.
496
:Mm.
497
:' Cause I was like the manager.
498
:Yeah.
499
:I, I was like the, the kid, like I was,
I tried to be responsible for- Everyone
500
:and everything around me, and I think
it cost me a lot of my childhood.
501
:It definitely cost me memories, because
I think I spent so much of my childhood
502
:dissociated because of the, like, constant
overwhelm of- Yeah … like, all of the
503
:inputs I was trying to process to be able
to, like- Mm-hmm … manage situations.
504
:Like, that's how, that's how I've…
505
:It's one of the things that I've, you
know, tried to talk about in therapy and
506
:try to figure out of, like, why don't
I have as many memories from childhood
507
:as so many of the other people I know?
508
:And I think that I was just in this sort
of, like, constant state of overwhelm
509
:and,, dissociated from a lot because
I'm already, like, hypersensitive to,
510
:like, everything, sounds, smells, like-
Mm-hmm … lights, all the things.
511
:Yeah.
512
:And so the added inputs of, , trying to
have the emotional and social intelligence
513
:before I was taught how to do that or,
like, had the skills to do that was a lot.
514
:Was it like you blocked them?
515
:Like you blocked your memories ' Cause
you feel like you- I don't know.
516
:I don't think I like, I, I mean, I
think it's a, I think it's a bit of
517
:a trauma response to like dissociate
from your body or from like the moment.
518
:Yeah.
519
:Absolutely.
520
:But yeah, I don't, I just
don't have a lot of memories
521
:And the, like, some of the ones that I
do have are, like, the not great ones.
522
:Do you know what I mean?
523
:Like, the- Yeah … I, so there's a
lot of things I don't remember that
524
:might have even been good experiences.
525
:But I think even in the good
experiences, I never felt like I could
526
:relax ' cause I was always, like, so
hypervigilant Like waiting for the other
527
:shoe to drop, you know what I mean?
528
:Yeah, 'cause you're so enmeshed-
So I think it, yeah … with other
529
:people So I think it, I think it just
cost me a lot of like childhood joy.
530
:Like I don't- Yeah, yeah … I
don't know how else to articulate
531
:it other than to say that.
532
:Like, and as, and again, as a result,
like because it, it wasn't something
533
:that I could name or do anything
about until like later on in my adult
534
:life, I think it also just cost me a
lot of- Friendships, relationships.
535
:Mm.
536
:Like, I think my friendships were
very surface level because I was
537
:constantly, like, accommodating and
adapting and, like, being a chameleon
538
:rather than allowing myself to be,
like, truly authentic and be seen
539
:and develop real relationships.
540
:You know what I mean?
541
:Yeah.
542
:Yeah, that makes…
543
:I mean, that makes total sense because it,
it, it affects every aspect of your life.
544
:Yeah.
545
:'Cause you're not just doing
it in one aspect of your life,
546
:you're doing it everywhere.
547
:Right.
548
:Mm-hmm.
549
:Yeah.
550
:What about you, Sloan?
551
:Um, well, what Erica ended with is
kind of where I was going, was that
552
:being the chameleon, trying to- Mm.
553
:Mm … meet everybody else's needs.
554
:Like, you- Yeah … for me, I
just lost touch with myself.
555
:Mm-hmm.
556
:Totally.
557
:Like, I didn't know- That too … anything
about myself except the bad things.
558
:Right.
559
:And how I wasn't enough, good
enough, doing the things, making them
560
:happy no matter how hard I tried.
561
:Um- In case you missed it,
check the perfection episode.
562
:Too right.
563
:Um- And also, yeah, I
was gonna say childhood.
564
:I was gonna say happiness.
565
:Mm-hmm.
566
:Um, joy- Yeah … feels so fleeting.
567
:Get, you know what I mean?
568
:Happiness- Mm … seems a little
bit more achievable, like, in a
569
:continuous way, if that makes sense.
570
:Um- It does … so just- I like that
word better … always, you know,
571
:being on edge, looking, analyzing.
572
:Yep.
573
:Risk analysis.
574
:Um, but yeah.
575
:Yeah, I mean- Yeah, it was childhood.
576
:I, I, I- Yeah … feel like I've
always been an old soul, but, uh-
577
:Yeah … there's definitely a couple
of quantum leaps in there that
578
:weren't asked for or natural, so.
579
:Mm.
580
:Yeah.
581
:I, I…
582
:for me, I mean, I agree with all of you.
583
:I feel like I…
584
:all of you, all that you said.
585
:There's only two of you.
586
:Um- The whole, the whole gang
587
:all of you.
588
:Me and my five personalities.
589
:And mine.
590
:You are a Gemini.
591
:Right.
592
:Um- But I, I, yes, I, I also
relate to the childhood and all.
593
:I, for me, I just feel
like it's my identity.
594
:Like, my whole identity- Yeah … was
so wrapped up in everybody else-
595
:Mm-hmm … that I, you know, I
didn't know anything about myself,
596
:which is why I hated doing so many
things, and one of them was dating.
597
:Mm.
598
:I hated dating for that reason, 'cause
don't ask me anything about me, right?
599
:'Cause I don't fucking know.
600
:I don't fucking know.
601
:Oh.
602
:Oh.
603
:Yeah.
604
:It's terrible.
605
:Like- Well, that connects to what
Sloane said, like the, what did,
606
:what did you miss out on, or like
what did you, what did it cost you?
607
:Yeah.
608
:It's knowing yourself.
609
:Yeah.
610
:Because you have had
to like mold and adapt.
611
:Exactly.
612
:Ooh, I can relate to that too.
613
:Yeah.
614
:I had no clue.
615
:I had, I had no- Yeah … I mean, I, I
mean- Let's just keep talking about you,
616
:'cause I don't know anything about me.
617
:Exactly.
618
:Exactly.
619
:And also, keep talking about you
because it's uncomfortable to talk
620
:about me, 'cause it's al- you're
also told it's, again, everyone else
621
:before you, so it's always Mm-hmm
622
:you know, put u- put the others first.
623
:And so yeah, and I mean, obviously
I knew certain things about myself,
624
:and definitely the bad ones or
the ones that I thought were bad.
625
:Exactly.
626
:Right?
627
:Exactly.
628
:But the good qualities about
myself, I mean, they were buried.
629
:There were none.
630
:Right.
631
:I mean, no, there are.
632
:There were.
633
:I know.
634
:They were just buried.
635
:There were.
636
:We just had no clue that they were there.
637
:Yeah.
638
:Well, we didn't know where they were.
639
:Yeah.
640
:And we didn't know that the bad
things about us were actually
641
:the good things about us.
642
:Right.
643
:Exactly.
644
:So for me, the good things that I
knew are the things that led to,
645
:like, the perfectionism tendencies.
646
:Mm.
647
:Right?
648
:Like, you're good at, like,
you're a great cheerleader.
649
:Okay, well, I'm gonna be the best
fucking cheerleader you've ever
650
:seen in your whole goddamn life.
651
:Right.
652
:Because if this is the thing that I'm
gonna get praised for and be known
653
:for … Like, not to say that I didn't
enjoy that, because I truly did love it.
654
:I loved it, but it was,
like, those things.
655
:Like, once I, once I knew the things
that I was really good at, I doubled
656
:down on those for sure, but then
to the extreme of perfectionism.
657
:Because if I'm gonna get praised for
something, like that's what it … Right?
658
:You have it.
659
:Oh, yeah.
660
:That's part of what … When we're talking
about, you know, the, the competition we
661
:just won, everybody in the room is happy.
662
:Like, we're celebrating, and that
keeps people happy, so that was
663
:another way to, like, control.
664
:Mm.
665
:And we've said control a
lot in episodes- I know.
666
:Sorry … things coming up about that.
667
:Right?
668
:So no, no, just- Spoilers … big preview.
669
:Yeah.
670
:Well, it's, it's impossible for
them not to be intertwined, right?
671
:Yeah.
672
:Yeah, same with, same with perfectionism.
673
:I think they're all so
closely related, you know?
674
:Oh, absolutely.
675
:We could just alternate…
676
:Here's another alternative title, title.
677
:Three, Three Recovering People Pleasers.
678
:Three Recovering Perfectionists.
679
:I like the first one better.
680
:But it made me laugh, so…
681
:Um.
682
:Oh, shit, I'm a people pleaser?
683
:No.
684
:Yes.
685
:Oh, shit.
686
:I think that's way better.
687
:Yeah.
688
:I like that.
689
:I like that.
690
:I like that title- I will go
with it … so much better than
691
:just people pleaser, 'cause…
692
:Um.
693
:Look at that.
694
:Even when I'm delirious,
I still have words.
695
:Yeah, you do.
696
:I didn't doubt that for one second.
697
:Um, okay, so-
698
:When you look back, what's the biggest
thing you wish you hadn't given away?
699
:My power.
700
:Mm.
701
:That that's something I can
only articulate as an adult.
702
:Like, again, I would have never had
the language for or been able to,
703
:like, identify that when I was younger.
704
:I, yeah, I mean, even as an adult,
I wouldn't have been able to
705
:articulate that until just recently.
706
:Mm.
707
:You know?
708
:Like, just in, since I
started m- my healing journey.
709
:I didn't, I didn't realize I
was giving my power away at all.
710
:So yeah, this is the same for me.
711
:It's just And there's so many
ways that you give your power
712
:away and you don't realize.
713
:I mean
714
:Like
715
:It's funny how, I mean, I was
having this conversation with a
716
:friend I know, another friend.
717
:Word.
718
:And we, we happened to be talking about
this stuff and, you know, I'm like,
719
:people just always say yes to things
that they don't w- they wanna say no to.
720
:I mean, how often, you know, like,
someone says to you, "Come over," or,
721
:"Let's go over here," and your, and
your first instinct is to say no Right?
722
:And you feel that, like, that's
a no, but you say yes every time.
723
:And that's exactly where I was gonna go.
724
:Originally, I was thinking my
belief in myself, which might be
725
:kind of a piece of the power thing.
726
:Mm-hmm.
727
:But as you were talking, it came up,
and the thing that is, like, gripping
728
:my guts right now is my intuition.
729
:Yeah.
730
:Yeah.
731
:I gave that away over and over again
until I didn't- Yeah, like, not
732
:trusting myself … even recognize it.
733
:Well, but that's exac- that's exactly what
people-pleasing is designed to do, right?
734
:Right.
735
:Like, all, ev- all of the things that
you were told as a child, and even as
736
:an adult, , whether it's, it, you know,
at, at a job or in a relationship or
737
:a friend or whatever, is designed for
you to just give your power away, just
738
:to, to ignore that feeling, that gut
feeling that's telling you, giving you
739
:the answer, and then you immediately
go and you intellectualize it, right?
740
:Like, you, you go and you think about it.
741
:Overanalyze.
742
:Yeah, you analyze it.
743
:Talk yourself- Exactly like, well, if
I say no- You talk yourself out of it.
744
:You logic yourself out of it, even though
your intuition is trying to tell you.
745
:Right, because when you, you
immediately st- wanna say no, and
746
:then when you say no, for me, it's
like if I say no, I'm a bad person.
747
:If I say no, I'm a bad friend.
748
:If I say no, I'm a bad worker, right?
749
:Like, it's- I'm a troublemaker.
750
:Right.
751
:They're gonna leave me.
752
:They won't wanna be around me.
753
:I'm difficult.
754
:It's by design.
755
:Yeah.
756
:Right?
757
:Everything.
758
:'Cause that keeps you so disconnected from
yourself, which is why at the, you know,
759
:at the time when you're people-pleasing,
like, you didn't even get to know who you
760
:were because it was about everybody else.
761
:Yeah.
762
:It's, yeah, it's just, um I, it, yeah,
it's something that I, I really try to
763
:check in with myself now, especially with
my intuition, with how something feels.
764
:Because it's, it's really…
765
:I'm not gonna listen to
my head anymore, you know?
766
:Like, this is what I try not to do.
767
:But anyway, um- That bitch is crazy.
768
:Right.
769
:Um- I was just telling her I loved
her earlier today, 'cause I'm like-
770
:Right, right … "Girl" I know.
771
:I gotta, I gotta remember that.
772
:"What are you thinking?"
773
:And then I laugh at
myself and it's gone, so.
774
:So I have another question What
does choosing yourself look
775
:like now, and what's still hard?
776
:Trusting myself more Mm
777
:Being Really rooted in my values
and letting that alongside my
778
:intuition, like, determine boundaries
779
:Like I think My boundaries are f- my
boundaries used to probably just be
780
:like nonexistent, if we're being honest.
781
:But like- Mm-hmm … on, on my best day
they were too flexible or too porous, um
782
:They're, they're a lot more firm now
783
:Yeah.
784
:I, uh, I mean, I would
agree with that too.
785
:It's the trusting myself and having
the boundaries, um, are definitely
786
:What keeps me from people pleasing Mm.
787
:It's still difficult because
788
:Guilt Sure.
789
:It's not easy.
790
:Yeah.
791
:But that's just what
choosing myself looks like.
792
:Right.
793
:It's always difficult- Yeah … every day.
794
:But, but 'cause there- Because there's
still so much unlearning to do.
795
:Yeah, 'cause the guilt
was so powerful, right?
796
:Like, that was what- Yeah … kept
you people-pleasing was that guilt.
797
:Yeah.
798
:And that's, that's, that's what
I've, that's what I … I have the
799
:boundary, but when that guilt pops up
is when I have to really do the work.
800
:That's when I really have to lean into my
trust and my boundaries to, like- remember
801
:that why I don't, why I can say no Is…
802
:I aspire to be like, do you remember that
episode of Friends when Ross is moving
803
:and he asks Phoebe to help, and she goes,
"Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."
804
:Like, that's, I aspire to
that level of confidence-
805
:Right … with boundary setting.
806
:But, like, we're not, we're not there yet.
807
:It's still difficult.
808
:I still have to, like, hype myself up.
809
:I still have to, remember, like, I
have to notice that guilt or, notice
810
:that shame that's coming up and,
intentionally, like, check myself
811
:on it, because it's still hard.
812
:And also I know that it's like my, again,
I think, I don't know, we've probably
813
:talked about this before, but like
814
:I spent so much of my life not trusting
my intuition and not trusting myself
815
:that there's this, , weird phenomenon
now that, like, once I know something
816
:to be 100% true for me, like my
window of tolerance is so small.
817
:And so, like, that part is becoming
easier because I think I, like, like
818
:I'm, I'm a little bit more, firmly rooted
in what's true for me or what I need.
819
:Right.
820
:And also, like, sometimes vocalizing it
or having the conversation is still hard
821
:because we never know how it's gonna
be received, and there's still, like, a
822
:little bit of that people pleaser tendency
of, like, well, I need to, like, craft
823
:the perfect message and, like, say it
exactly the right way to control- Mm-hmm
824
:the other person's reaction, and
I can't fucking control that.
825
:But I'm still gonna do my best 'cause
that old habit dies hard, you know?
826
:Interesting.
827
:I was gonna…
828
:Yeah, it's easier for me to
say what's still hard, and I
829
:was gonna say not justifying.
830
:Yes.
831
:Ooh, yes.
832
:Mm-hmm.
833
:Ooh, no is a complete sentence.
834
:Yeah.
835
:It's really hard for me to just say no.
836
:It, it, it really is for me too And the
difference between wanting … And it,
837
:because this is why it's hard for me, the
difference between justifying and sharing
838
:Right?
839
:Mm.
840
:Like, 'cause sometimes I'm explaining
something to you guys, and I'm like,
841
:to me that's not a justification,
it's illumination, right?
842
:Like, I'm letting you into my thought
process and, and what's going on, not
843
:trying to justify my action, which
is different than- Which is different
844
:than saying, "I'm not available- Right
845
:that day."
846
:But still later I'll be like,
"Was I, like, justifying myself?"
847
:Like- Yeah, yeah … I'm like,
'cause I don't, I don't have to.
848
:It didn't feel like just- did it
feel like justifica- Like, and then
849
:I get in my head about it, but, um,
with other people I this is, this is
850
:honestly what's helping me a little
bit with it, is watching them kind of
851
:spin out about it when I don't justify.
852
:They're like, "Oh, what's
gonna happen next?"
853
:Like- Yeah … because-
Let me get my popcorn.
854
:It's like, I just said one thing.
855
:Like, not complicated, not-
Why did this thing happen?
856
:Because, you know, whatever
the reason, it doesn't matter.
857
:I mean, like-
858
:I, I stepped on a rock and I
jumped, and then I hit the thing.
859
:You know what?
860
:It doesn't matter.
861
:Like, oh, because it happened.
862
:I, oops, I tripped.
863
:And it'd be like They go up.
864
:You know, like, where?
865
:Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
866
:Like, on this journey through why didn't
you, how could you have, or tell me…
867
:N- not asking a single question, right?
868
:Like, just telling this elaborate story
or making some kind of judgment about
869
:whatever happened, and it's like, huh.
870
:Like
871
:None of that's over here.
872
:It's all over there.
873
:So we're good.
874
:It's just very interesting sometimes.
875
:Like- Yeah … learning
that not accepting it.
876
:Yeah, when you disappoint them, right?
877
:Like- Yeah … when you disappoint
people and they don't know
878
:what to do with themselves.
879
:But also sometimes you do that and
they feel disappointed, and then
880
:they push you harder, you know?
881
:Like they'll- Oh, right … they'll
want- That, that gets irritating
882
:… it's, that's what I'm saying,
like, it's, it's a process, right?
883
:Because it, for you, for like,
for yourself to, to get better
884
:at, like, standing your ground-
Yeah … when, when people wanna push
885
:your boundaries, because they do.
886
:Exactly.
887
:'Cause people get really, really
uncomfortable when you've been the
888
:people pleaser your whole life, and
then you decide that, "Fuck that
889
:shit, I'm not doing that anymore."
890
:Right.
891
:Right?
892
:Because it just harms me.
893
:Right.
894
:And- Yeah … and they're like,
"The fuck is wrong with you?
895
:What's happening here?
896
:I don't like this."
897
:Yeah.
898
:Um, but you, I've…
899
:Something that you just said, um Oh
With the whole friends, um, episode,
900
:I guess it was the same thing that
I was saying is that just being so
901
:comfortable with saying no and not
worrying about- Yeah … whether you're
902
:disappointing someone or not, right?
903
:Like, would love to but-
It's hard … don't want to.
904
:It is.
905
:It's hard.
906
:Yeah.
907
:I mean, to just say, "I don't want to."
908
:I just…
909
:Well, that's maybe a- Yeah … a
level of candor that I have,
910
:I have not yet achieved.
911
:But- … I j- but even just saying like-
But I'm just saying it's really difficult
912
:… like, "No, I'm not available."
913
:Right.
914
:"But thank you so much for inviting me."
915
:Like- Right … don't stop
inviting me to things, but I'm
916
:not available today, right?
917
:Like, that's, that's the, that's
the, the boundary, um, for the-
918
:But also how good it feels when
you actually start saying no.
919
:Yeah, it does.
920
:And even though it's so uncomfortable, but
you start saying no and you're like, "Oh."
921
:I'll take- Like, feel that feeling of,
like, getting your power back is so good.
922
:So here's, here's what I've started.
923
:Like, the, the check for me now is because
I think about how much time has been
924
:wasted in my life either being, like,
mad or resentful or feeling awful after
925
:I, like, caved- Mm-hmm … or, like,
did the people-pleasing thing, right?
926
:Mm-hmm.
927
:Or, like, I went and sat through a dinner
I really didn't wanna go to, right?
928
:Yeah.
929
:With, like, people I really didn't
wanna be around, and I just, like,
930
:white-knuckled my way through it,
and then I came home and I was
931
:exhausted, and I was, like, burnt out
for three days and had to recover.
932
:You know what I mean?
933
:Like- Yeah … when I think about how
much time has been wasted and I…
934
:Now my trade-off or, like, the thing
that grounds me in that moment is,
935
:like, I'd rather be uncomfortable for
the 30 seconds it takes me to tell
936
:you no than the hours I would spend
doing the thing I don't wanna do.
937
:Mm-hmm.
938
:Mm-hmm.
939
:Right.
940
:Or, like, the days I would need
to recover from that event that
941
:I don't wanna go to, right?
942
:Like- Yeah … just knowing myself
more now, I, like, I know the
943
:trade-off for me is worth it.
944
:I know it's gonna be, it's gonna be a
little uncomfy for a moment, but it's
945
:gonna be way worth it in the end because
there have been plenty of times where
946
:I've been, like, just sitting on my
couch reading my little book or, like,
947
:watching my little shows thinking like,
"Huh, I was supposed to be at that thing.
948
:Thank God I'm not there.
949
:Like, thank God."
950
:Right.
951
:Yeah.
952
:Yeah.
953
:Exactly.
954
:Such a homebody.
955
:And, yeah, and that, that
actually helped me a little bit.
956
:So what is choosing myself look
like now is, like, v- similar to
957
:Erica, like, is I ask myself, "Is
this aligned with my values- Mm-hmm.
958
:Yes … and who I wanna be?"
959
:Yes.
960
:And normally there's
the answer right there.
961
:It- that's why- Yeah … the
values are so powerful.
962
:They really are.
963
:Because it's such an easy
filter to pass things through.
964
:But also who I wanna be.
965
:Yes.
966
:Because it might be, 'cause that's
the first filter, does it align
967
:with my values, but then does
it align with who I wanna be?
968
:Because- Some of my values
are aspirational though.
969
:They're not all- That's my point
… firing on all cylinders right now.
970
:But yeah.
971
:So I'm saying, well, you know what I mean.
972
:Yeah.
973
:And then you can always throw in
a third one Oh, sorry … right?
974
:Which would be like, do I have
the capacity for this, right?
975
:Like- Yeah … because sometimes
the answer to the first two is
976
:a hell yes, but the realistic
schedule maybe is, uh- Mm-hmm … I
977
:really- The logistics … can't.
978
:It doesn't matter how much I want it.
979
:Yeah.
980
:Not now, but yes.
981
:My answer is yes, not now.
982
:Hmm.
983
:Yeah.
984
:Yeah I, I wanna, like, maybe…
985
:I, I think I meant to do this when
we talked about perfection, and
986
:I wanna, like, maybe wrap on a
slightly more positive note, because
987
:I don't think that it's all bad.
988
:No.
989
:Right?
990
:Like- No … with perfectionism, there was
a lot that I learned, both because, like,
991
:because I felt the need to, like, master
things, quote-unquote, like I literally
992
:learned, like gathered a lot of knowledge,
mastered skills, like things that
993
:have served me really well in my life.
994
:And so, like, while there was a lot
of, like, unnecessary pressure and
995
:shame at parts of that journey, the
outcomes weren't all bad- Right.
996
:Mm-hmm … because I, I was
able to, like, learn a lot.
997
:I kind of think the same with
people-pleasing in one specific area.
998
:You need a party planned?
999
:I'm your girl.
:
00:46:43,267 --> 00:46:43,377
You're right.
:
00:46:43,377 --> 00:46:45,537
Because I am thinking
about every single- Yeah.
:
00:46:46,017 --> 00:46:49,737
… person's experience and making
sure that everybody has the
:
00:46:49,737 --> 00:46:51,127
fucking time of their life.
:
00:46:52,207 --> 00:46:55,547
Everybody, you're gonna have a hell
of a party if I plan your party.
:
00:46:56,547 --> 00:46:59,237
Well, uh, the way that I look at
things is something good always
:
00:46:59,237 --> 00:47:01,127
comes out of something bad, right?
:
00:47:01,207 --> 00:47:01,447
Yes.
:
00:47:01,457 --> 00:47:04,207
Like- … e- it, it's every experience.
:
00:47:04,247 --> 00:47:07,437
You, you can, you can gain
something from every experience.
:
00:47:08,097 --> 00:47:14,897
Well, yeah, I mean, I did tons of shit
that I would not have said yes to- Yeah,
:
00:47:15,137 --> 00:47:16,577
exactly … to please other people.
:
00:47:16,587 --> 00:47:16,617
Yes.
:
00:47:16,797 --> 00:47:21,897
And I got value out of
it one way or the other.
:
00:47:22,237 --> 00:47:22,567
Yeah.
:
00:47:22,587 --> 00:47:23,657
It was usually good.
:
00:47:24,657 --> 00:47:24,947
Yeah.
:
00:47:24,977 --> 00:47:28,017
So it's not all bad.
:
00:47:28,307 --> 00:47:28,967
Yeah, no.
:
00:47:30,367 --> 00:47:30,427
It just…
:
00:47:30,807 --> 00:47:31,177
Yeah.
:
00:47:31,577 --> 00:47:35,037
It's just that's- I- … that's where
we have to learn the difference.
:
00:47:35,617 --> 00:47:35,877
Yeah.
:
00:47:36,767 --> 00:47:37,177
I don't…
:
00:47:37,327 --> 00:47:40,067
To be clear, I don't
wanna go to the party.
:
00:47:40,797 --> 00:47:41,787
I just wanna plan it.
:
00:47:42,787 --> 00:47:43,277
Are you sure?
:
00:47:43,317 --> 00:47:44,567
'Cause you're a Leo rising.
:
00:47:45,467 --> 00:47:49,697
I don't wanna go to the pa- I
mean, I, I want to go to the party,
:
00:47:50,197 --> 00:47:54,507
like, with a clipboard in my hand
to manage the logistics of, but
:
00:47:54,507 --> 00:47:57,517
I don't wanna be in the party.
:
00:47:57,527 --> 00:47:58,097
So funny.
:
00:47:58,537 --> 00:48:04,827
And if I am in the party, I will exit
early without anyone's knowledge.
:
00:48:05,137 --> 00:48:06,957
Like, that's- The Irish goodbye?
:
00:48:07,057 --> 00:48:09,147
But I would love to plan your party.
:
00:48:09,147 --> 00:48:10,487
I love planning a party.
:
00:48:10,567 --> 00:48:13,667
I've got spreadsheets on spreadsheets
on spreadsheets of parties I've
:
00:48:13,697 --> 00:48:14,927
planned in my Google Drive.
:
00:48:15,927 --> 00:48:19,717
That is funny So Maybe I'll
start a side hustle after this.
:
00:48:20,977 --> 00:48:23,257
Oh yes, just put something
else on the, on your list.
:
00:48:23,257 --> 00:48:26,787
If you'd like me to plan your party, you
can contact me at erica@findyourkula.com,
:
00:48:26,927 --> 00:48:27,847
and just- Yeah, no problem.
:
00:48:28,847 --> 00:48:31,457
Erica, you might just start getting
the, "Can you plan my wedding?"
:
00:48:31,677 --> 00:48:36,437
Well- Oh my God … just keep in mind
she's in the greater Boston area, and she
:
00:48:36,447 --> 00:48:39,637
charges well because she knows her worth.
:
00:48:40,197 --> 00:48:40,657
Hmm.
:
00:48:40,717 --> 00:48:42,227
And that's exactly it.
:
00:48:42,257 --> 00:48:43,637
Yeah, yeah.
:
00:48:44,677 --> 00:48:45,267
All right.
:
00:48:46,187 --> 00:48:46,347
Mm-hmm.
:
00:48:46,347 --> 00:48:48,327
Well, another good conversation.
:
00:48:48,867 --> 00:48:49,167
Yeah.
:
00:48:49,167 --> 00:48:52,007
Any other last comments, anybody?
:
00:48:53,007 --> 00:48:53,257
No.
:
00:48:53,257 --> 00:48:57,887
I mean, I, one thing that I did wanna s-
mention that Erica brought up before is…
:
00:48:58,677 --> 00:49:01,917
'Cause it really is huge, it really
plays such a big part when you're
:
00:49:01,917 --> 00:49:03,327
a people pleaser, is resentment.
:
00:49:04,057 --> 00:49:04,297
Mm.
:
00:49:04,307 --> 00:49:04,827
Oh, yeah.
:
00:49:05,107 --> 00:49:05,137
Huge.
:
00:49:05,147 --> 00:49:09,247
Like how resentment builds-
Yeah … because of it, and it really
:
00:49:09,247 --> 00:49:11,397
doesn't help you or anybody else.
:
00:49:11,407 --> 00:49:13,707
Like, it really doesn't do
anything for you or anyone else.
:
00:49:13,727 --> 00:49:15,487
Like, it's an awful feeling.
:
00:49:16,297 --> 00:49:16,667
Yeah.
:
00:49:17,097 --> 00:49:19,037
That, that's definitely
a signal for me now.
:
00:49:19,117 --> 00:49:20,667
Whenever I feel it- Mm-hmm … I'm
like, "What's that?"
:
00:49:20,667 --> 00:49:21,947
Yeah, yeah.
:
00:49:21,957 --> 00:49:23,217
"Why is this here?
:
00:49:23,277 --> 00:49:24,767
What am I doing that's…"
:
00:49:25,107 --> 00:49:25,477
Yeah.
:
00:49:26,937 --> 00:49:27,447
Good, good, good call out.
:
00:49:27,447 --> 00:49:29,937
Stay tuned for our
conversation on boundaries.
:
00:49:30,937 --> 00:49:31,707
And control.
:
00:49:32,117 --> 00:49:32,677
Good way to avoid resentment.
:
00:49:32,677 --> 00:49:32,987
And control.
:
00:49:32,987 --> 00:49:33,477
Well,
:
00:49:34,477 --> 00:49:35,357
thank you everyone.
:
00:49:36,337 --> 00:49:41,287
We will see you on the next episode,
or- Thanks for being here … yeah.
:
00:49:42,287 --> 00:49:42,377
Yes.
:
00:49:42,377 --> 00:49:42,417
We'll talk at you.
:
00:49:42,417 --> 00:49:42,477
Thanks for listening, wherever you are.
:
00:49:42,477 --> 00:49:42,487
Soon.
:
00:49:42,487 --> 00:49:43,237
We'll talk at you.
:
00:49:43,707 --> 00:49:43,987
Yeah.
:
00:49:44,287 --> 00:49:46,027
Oh, yes, and more soon.
:
00:49:47,447 --> 00:49:49,817
Hopefully we'll have ways to, like…
:
00:49:49,857 --> 00:49:51,977
I mean, please come to findyourkula.com
:
00:49:51,977 --> 00:49:52,957
and chat with us.
:
00:49:53,117 --> 00:49:55,747
Um- Oh my God, yeah … but.
:
00:49:55,967 --> 00:49:59,047
And to be clear, Kula is K-U-L-A.
:
00:49:59,277 --> 00:50:00,627
We'll put it in the show notes.
:
00:50:00,677 --> 00:50:04,407
We'll add links so that you can come
join us in the community, 'cause we
:
00:50:04,407 --> 00:50:08,227
genuinely would love to hear your
stories and have real conversations.
:
00:50:08,227 --> 00:50:08,937
Yeah.
:
00:50:08,937 --> 00:50:09,787
Yeah, exactly.
:
00:50:09,787 --> 00:50:11,277
We don't wanna just leave it at ours.
:
00:50:12,277 --> 00:50:15,127
Bring everyone in Love you guys.
:
00:50:15,507 --> 00:50:16,507
All right, love you.
:
00:50:16,937 --> 00:50:17,497
Love you.
:
00:50:17,797 --> 00:50:18,367
Bye.
:
00:50:18,947 --> 00:50:19,617
Bye.
:
00:50:20,617 --> 00:50:21,277
I love the hearts
